We begin, as all great stories do, in an alleyway beside my hotel, in the cold, and in the rain.
Cold and rain, I have learned is very Dutch weather. To date I have not seen a single Dutch person in short sleeves. Fortunately, I, having thoroughly researched the climate and average temperature during the weeks of my stay, came fully prepared for all meteorological scenarios with skirts, short sleeved dresses, and no umbrella.
It’s okay though because I also only brought sandals and high heels which do really well on slick cobblestones.
Next we come to a magical portal where one can apparently travel to Venice, Italy.
Once transported (by gondola) you then walk across the bridge to London England.
London actually makes sense since this is the side wall of the King Arthur pub, and I suppose theoretically the canal and bridge could signify Utrecht, but to date I have not seen a single gondola or strange man in blue and white striped shirt. Perhaps he’s Waldo of the Netherlands. If you find him, you get a tulip.
The canals in Utrecht have two levels. One day while snacking on some herring and onions, some Dutch men and women realized that building a city below sea level could result in some adverse side effects, like drowning. So they decided that the most logical step was to simply raise the city up a few or dozen feet.
All were happy until the boats came by to deliver more herring and onions and bier (like beer only with more spitting from the back of the throat).
“Pass it up!” the Dutch men and women cried.
And the boatmen scoffed for while the Dutch are as a rule, very very tall (which makes sense as their beds are very, very low to the ground), their arms were just not long enough. So the boatmen went away.
“But our herring and onions and bier!” the Dutch men and women cried.
Everyone was very sad until a little Dutch girl (sister to the little Dutch boy) piped up and said “Why don’t we have a lower level, where our warehouses will be to receive deliveries. Then one day, when we’ve invented trains and planes and automobiles for our deliveries, we can use the hollowed out rooms of the warehouses for kitsch restaurants like Broadway where you can get American food like Ribs and Steaks and Beer which will be almost like Bier but watered down and pronounced phonetically.”
“We’re saved!” the Dutch men and women cried. And there was much rejoicing.
Even among the ducks.
Dutch men and women looking for Dutch Waldo: