In Which I Uncover a Masonic Temple Conspiracy

The following events may or may not be completely veracious.

Today’s adventure required that I look up local ghost stories and investigate.  Given that I live in an old town, I shouldn’t be able to leave the driveway without running over at least one white lady in a haunted pirate ship.  New Bern is over 300 years old, the site of at least one battle (Civil War), and the birthplace of Pepsi.

I don’t really know what Pepsi has to do with anything, but the guy who invented it lives in a creepy old graveyard and surely rises from his coffin each night to leave hooks on the cars of unwary coke drinkers.

Knowing all this, I thought I should be prepared.  I’ve seen Supernatural; I knew I’d need salt in order to repel the many gray-faced specters that tried to keep me from learning the Truth. Of course I also knew my mother would probably notice if I took one of her nice Sea Salt grinders and she no longer keeps the Morton’s in the house so I had to settle for some packets of Splenda. Continue reading

My Attempt at 7 Continents

New Bern has been suffering from a bear infestation for the past 300 years. Sometimes they stand still enough for you to take a picture, but don’t be fooled. They are plotting your death.

Today I became an explorer.  In my quest to make a summer in New Bern slightly more entertaining, I have decided to tackle random internet lists with titles such as ’50 Things to Do Before you Die’ or ‘101 Ways to Avoid Boredom’ or ’37 Activities to Annoy Your Fellow Man in the Superstore/College Campus/Generic Location of your choice’.  However, since I am in New Bern some of the activities featured on this list aren’t what one might call ‘feasible’.  For example, the first activity from the first list from the first half-hearted Google search states:

1. Set foot on each of the seven continents. Antarctica might seem like a tough one, but [redacted]. Once you’ve reached all seven you can truly call yourself a world traveler.

As it happens, I have already visited South America, Europe, Africa, and places within North America other than the United States, which just leaves Asia, Australia, and the aforementioned ‘difficult’ Antarctica.  Thus I was left with a conundrum.  How does one visit a continent without leaving a continent.  New Bern is not home to any embassies or consulates or any other diplomatic quasi-international boundary defying parcels, nor does it have an abundance of Asian themed stores.  I thought about dressing up as Godzilla and running around Outback Steakhouse but seeing as how I intend to take the Bar exam later this summer I thought I should avoid accruing any ‘disturbing the peace’ arrests. Continue reading